i couldn't have imagined
one coming into my life
and my loving
more than i had ever loved before

our commingled breath
our secret songs
our shared interest in the sun
defined my daily fare

favoring you
above all i have ever known before
i adored
adoring at your feet

my treasured one
my pearl of great price
center grace
in my beautiful world

suddenly
unexpectedly
despite my tender care
you began to fade
slip away from me

i struggled
i cried
i prayed
but you slipped further away

i couldn't imagine
the beauty of my world
without you in it
but should you go
(with my best efforts to keep you here)
i knew i would spend my days
searching another
just like you
to take your place

i struggled
i cried
i prayed
but you no longer thrived with me

suddenly
unexpectedly
a gift was given me
new and different
no duplicate of you
yet took my breath away
and i received with open arms

i couldn't have imagined
one coming into my life
and my loving
more than i have ever loved before

evanescence

i'm close enough to feel your shadow
near enough to taste your scent
i reach out to touch you
but you're a vapor; you are gone

i see you
then i don't see you
you are clear
then you're obscured

once i was one to anguish
in the elusiveness you bring
i was distressed
with the impossibility
of attempts to hold you fast

now i've come to love
your presence
whether seen or undisclosed
i've come to know
your truth is with me
even when you're out of view

photo by permission of the artist graham jeffrey

shaving ceremony

my greatest truth is in surrender, in acceptance, in letting go. again and again my life calls me to relinquish my judgment, my fear, my defense, my need to be right, my need to hold onto, and begs me move into being, accepting, and receiving. this comes to me in many ways.

acceptance becomes my most beautiful gift, surrender, my greatest truth.

my gift to you is my trusting you, my receiving you, my taking you in.

can there be any greater trust than when you become my attendant, the one who grooms me, shapes me, cleanses me...in our shaving ceremony. your holding the sharpest thing in the world next to my most tender is perhaps the greatest act of faith i can live. your shaving me calls for profound trust and complete surrender.

we begin with strains of soft music surrounding us, scented candles or perhaps my favorite incense with its froust of smoke wafting through the air, and a big towel carefully laid along with bowls of warm water and scented oils. blood-red rose petals are scattered about the towel and across the floor. a bottle of wine chills on ice nearby to be used at the completion of this sacred rite.

i sit on the floor with my knees up and my smooth legs apart, my naked lips yours for my grooming. i am exposed. i am vulnerable. i am frightened, but i give you my fear, give you my faith. this is exquisite courage. i breathe, deeply and slowly. i am in your hands. nothing exists for me except myself in your hands and somehow the universe is complete in this one place. you become my universe.

first come the lotions to soften me and prepare me. the lotions are comforting and relaxing. once my skin is softened and i am ready, you begin. you caress me with your blade, slowly, carefully, your sharp metal against my soft flesh. your blade is cold and hard, yet gentle in your careful application. my beauty is held in your strength, dependent on your attention, your skill. i am cleansed and smoothed by your strokes, softened by your touch. your fingers touch me tenderly, inspecting the perfection of your work as you continue. you move me one way and another, and lay me down to get a closer shave. you turn me over, lift my bare behind to finish your task. you kiss me softly in the places you have shorn and pour warm oils over my new skin. i am cleansed. i am whole. i am made new.

and i am yours.

wanting

sometimes it has been too long and i forget what it feels like to be touched, to be tested, to be taken. sometimes the taste of it no longer lingers on my tongue, the scent of it no longer hangs in the air that i breathe, and i am suddenly alone. singlehood has its gifts and i've discovered much of who i am in this rich experience. but sometimes the wealth of singlehood is eclipsed by the joy of being with another and i want to be with you. in my desire to be with you i want to be taken. i want to be taken powerfully and deeply and i want to feel the strength of who you are. your strength becomes reflection of my powers of attraction and your desire for me becomes my image of my own self. i want to be taken powerfully and deeply.

i long to be touched, to be explored, to be discovered. i seek to be sought after, and in being sought, i am won.

i need you. i need to feel you next to me, taste your breath, touch your heartbeat. i want the fullness of your presence. i want to hold you. i want to give my gifts to you and please you and in my pleasing you i am fulfilled. i want to be touched, to be tasted, to be taken. i long to be had and to be had by you. i want to feel you let go of everything that holds you back and in your letting go you are emptied into me and i am filled and in my letting go i am fully received.

i want you to lie in my arms exhausted and spent and emptied and complete.

i long to be taken, and to be taken so strongly and for so long that in the end i too am exhausted and spent and complete and tired and sore. i want to be unable to move for a while and to feel you resonate within me for even longer. (i reached for my dictionary to see if i can use the word "resonate" here and i found a definition that shows "creating an effect produced when the amplitude of oscillation...is felt...at the same or nearly the same frequency." i love this, for when you take me powerfully and deeply i feel it inside my sex and in my legs for a long time after you are removed, and i feel it through memory for even longer, and it can be very nearly as strong as...at the same or nearly the same frequency...as in the being. for a little while i can feel you so strongly i am nearly orgasmic in the resonance.)

i want you.

i want to be taken by you.

powerfully and deeply.

meaningful encounter

she sat across from me on the train and amidst a jostling crowd, she caught my eye and smiled. she was surrounded by busy-ness and had an ipod in her ears but in that moment nothing else seemed to exist for her except me as she rested in our visual embrace. she was beautiful, gorgeous even, raven-haired with pure skin and full lips and exotic eyes. she was half my age. i guessed her to be from india or certainly of indian descent. i wished for a private moment with her to tell her how lovely she is but as people mingled between and around us we never spoke during our short ride.

my stop arrived quickly and i hurried to be on my way. in fact, for the exercise of it, i ran up the escalator though it is one of the tallest in the city's system (i find this to be a strong workout for my calves). i assumed if she had taken the same stop as mine she certainly would be far behind me as i had hastened to be on my way. but wait, i saw her now ahead of me waiting for a traffic light to change. i stepped up beside her and touched her arm gently. she smiled and removed her headset for a moment. i wouldn't waste this private moment with her. "you are incredibly beautiful," i said to her, "and i hope you realize that." her face lit up with surprise and she thanked me as though she had never been complimented before. she was absolutely delighted. i recognized this to be a moment she would carry with her for a very long time, an unexpected compliment from a stranger and one she seemed to admire and respect. yes, she would carry this with her for a long time. i never looked back as i crossed the street but i knew i, too, was changed in the exchange, as giving a gift to her gifted me in return.

to you reading my words now, if it were you i had seen on the train i would say the same thing...

you are incredibly beautiful and i hope you realize that...

i carry you with me

i haven't seen you, haven't had a chat with you, in a very long time. you are perhaps feeling my life is so full, so busy, so complete that i've no need for you or even any thoughts of you but that just isn't so. sometimes in the middle of the day i remember the sound of your voice, the pleasure of your laughter, and i stop whatever i'm doing and feel your presence. sometimes in the middle of the night i remember your touch and my dreams are sweeter, my sleep richer, in its memory. sometimes a moment, perhaps a song or a sunrise, a moonbeam or a sculpture, reminds me of the depth of who you are and my soul is deepened. the fabric of my world is woven with threads of you.

yes, my life is full and busy and in many ways complete, but your friendship, your love, even away from me, is part of my fullness. i miss you and yet you are with me. i carry inside me everything we have shared and i hold within me an image of you, for in this way you become part of me, you are me and i am you. you can never be completely away from me. all of my expressions sing your music. wherever i am you will always have expression, you will always have residence, and you will always be known. you are in everything i am.

photography by permission, gypsy girl

lucky

how did he get to be so lucky
he wonders
to find someone who talks to him
of spirit the way i talk

how did he get to be so lucky
he queries
to find someone who writes of life
the way i write

how did he get to be so lucky
he questions
to find someone connected to her sex
the way i understand my own

how did he get to be so lucky
he asks
to find someone to share her life
the way i share my life

and i ask
how did i get to be so lucky
to find someone
who feels so lucky to find me

he speaks

his language
is touch
a man
with much to say

he speaks
with his hands
of tenderness
of adoration

his caress
is a thousand words
his embrace
a benediction
he expresses joy
he teaches love
he proclaims hope

his language is touch
and all i can do
is reply

he dreams of me

i am what someone is dreaming of. i think this is what every woman dreams of, to be the one another is dreaming of. how lovely it feels to be the one someone is dreaming of. i feel desired, and that makes me feel desirable. i feel special, selected, chosen, set apart. he dreams of me and i take pleasure in the thought. for as he thinks of me upon his pillow, i think of him thinking of me when i lie upon my own and it comforts me. to be the object of his desire, to be the magnet for his need, is sweetness to this girl's heart. his dreams penetrate my own, as i begin to dream of him in the way he dreams of me...

eating with my fingers

i like to eat with my fingers. i like to touch my food and feel it against my lips, fully experience it on my tongue.

maybe it is the way i am more closely connected with my food, touching it directly instead of holding it away from me with another object (while i have grown up with american habits of eating with a fork or spoon, it seems our habit is a bit foreign to the senses to use a disconnected object to lift food and put it into our mouths). i happen to like to eat with my fingers. green beans (even my steamed ones and not only raw ones) feel better put into my mouth with my fingers. so does everything else. this is so pure, so natural.

i don't do this in a restaurant (of course not) but this is how i like to enjoy my food at home. even at home you won't see me eat mashed potatoes and gravy with my fingers (actually i don't eat white potatoes anymore but i do remember them fondly). but everything that can be comfortably eaten with my fingers, i appreciate and enjoy in this sensuous way. food is much more sexy and sensuous without a fork and is much more deeply experienced. my food becomes part of my body and the intimacy begins when i start preparing it.

sharing food with a lover is even better, richer, deeper... a plate of cheese and grapes and crackers and dates and bits of my home-baked breads should be on the bed table with water and wine and candles. oh, but i wouldn't just be feeding myself with my fingers. i would want to feel the food on your lips too...

photography by permission of the artist graham jeffrey

masculine expressions

i have discovered a lovely site of masculine expressions, Everyday Avatar: Masculine Archetypal Living in the 21st Century. i will enjoy following its masculine voice in concert with writing my own feminine expressions...

i am busy with business for a couple of days but am eager to return to posting new writings of my own here soon...

love to you all...

every woman is a goddess

every woman is a goddess. her wisdom, her beauty, her goodness, her influence, her powers...every woman is a goddess. if you miss seeing this in the women around you or miss seeing it within your own self, you are missing seeing the gift...

i have joined a group of beautiful women in the site every woman is a goddess. come visit from time to time to read what women have to say. i will begin posting new material there from time to time.

it's me not you

if it were you
instead of me
i would ask you
why do you do this
again and again
except it isn't you
it's me
and if you asked me
my answer would be
i don't know

i beg for this
then given its gift
i come close
and get scared
and doubt myself
and weep and wonder
if i can do it at all
then i do
and i'm happy again
and i wonder how i did it
and the struggle and the glory
leave me spent
until i do it again

if it were you
instead of me
i would say
don't go through this
again and again
but it isn't you
it's me
and we both know
i will

alone

i have held the presence of another
enough
to know its pleasures
i have had the absence of all
enough
to find the glory of my own
and in the end
it is only through touching
and knowing my own
that i have enough
to give another

photography by permission marc goldring

we are an ocean

we are an ocean
you and i
with gentle waves unending
a rhythm of our own
with current strong and steady
underpinning deep and true

our waters swell in high tide
recede in equal turn
as sure as one, the other
our balance both ensure

we absorb the brilliance

of the blazing sun

reflect the still light
of the moon

sometimes without a warning
a storm reveals its face
but far beneath its surface
our strength and calm remain

never leaving our own homeland

we travel far and wide
explore exotic places
leave our touch as we move on

and true to our own rhythms
we spill onto the sand
exhausted, spent, completed
until we start again

photography by permission graham jeffrey

a woman stirred

maybe it was his gentle voice
maybe it was the adoring look in his eyes
maybe it was the tender way he touched my hair
maybe it was his easy smile
maybe it was his poetry, his reading it to me
maybe it was his lingering kiss
maybe it was his quiet deep intelligence
maybe it was his morning-after call
maybe it was his apology for trying to move too fast
maybe it was his agreement to take it slow
maybe it was his conversation a week later telling me
he had taken it upon himself to be tested just to be ready
maybe it was his eagerness but willingness to wait
maybe it was one of these
maybe it was all of these
maybe it was none of these
but i now find myself
a woman stirred

this wintry day

silence
falls to the ground
in white splendor
and i
absorb its brilliance
soften
in its quiet wonder

after all this time

after all this time
how can it be
i come to you
and find a new way
to experience you
a new way
to be held by you
after all this time

after all this time
i thought that i
had memorized
every inch of you
i thought i knew
every part of you
and yet somehow
you are new again
after all this time

after all this time
i still long for you
i'm still stirred by you
i'm still filled by you
you are my living waters
i seek nothing more
after all this time

with you

i give myself to you
because i find myself in you
but if the day should come
that i should find
i lose myself in you
the day will have arrived
i no longer find
that i can be with you

photography by permission marc goldring

satisfied and wanting more

some like to tease and tempt
enchant and tantalize
and leave you wanting
and i must admit
there is nothing more of a turn-on
than turning you on

some aren't so inclined to be a temptress
but instead want to be your everything
the satisfaction you desire
they want to be completion
leave you wanting nothing more

but me, i want it all
i love to tease and tantalize
feel the strength of your desire
and i want to satisfy you
be everything you ever dreamed
(and even things that you have not)
but in all the satisfying
i want to keep you ever wanting more

left behind

friends tell me you have left
they say the time has come
for me to understand you are gone
but how can it be
that you have left
when i still see you
in the prints you've left behind

you've left behind your fragrance
your scent that lingers in the air
you've left behind your touch
that keeps me softened still
you've left behind your gifts
the treasures you have given me
you've left behind the changes
your heart caused inside of me
you've left behind your way of seeing things
an enlightened outlook on the world
you've left behind your strength
that now resides deep within me

so you see when others say
it seems obvious you've gone
still i know the greater truth
that you will ever remain

smoke photography by permission

of the artist graham jeffrey

mobius strip

in a world
of geometric shapes
there is but one
representing us
and that one
mobius strip

we are not about
the beauty of a circle
or the conventions of a square
but rather
we possess
the powers of this band

we walk together
but no matter our miles
we return to our same places
again and again

we walk apart
but regardless our opposing directions
inevitably we reunite
and not one step
holds any danger of losing each other

divide us
and we remain
ever expressed
as one

surrender

i melt
like a candle into wax
in the heat of our flame

my resolve is broken
my defenses unglued
in the strength of our trust

perhaps it is courage
or maybe it's faith
that i open myself unto you

but allowing surrender
and complete letting go
now becomes my very own
sweet reward

meaningless sex

it seems to be a very fine line between sexuality and spirituality, and perhaps even that fine line is an illusion. sex is the richest intimacy two people can share, the physical joining of what represents a spiritual merging. it is the physical completeness of the masculine and feminine returning to one. from time to time i hear someone use the words "meaningless sex," and it cannot be. it just cannot be. for even if it does not mean what you would like it to mean, or it means something you do not recognize or perhaps don't want the world to know, still it means something. it always means something...

there is no such thing as meaningless sex
it always means something

there may be sex without a future
or sex without a home
but there is no meaningless sex

there may be casual sex. or thoughtless sex. even foolish sex
but there is no meaningless sex
there may be mindless sex. familiar sex. even redundant sex
but there is no meaningless sex

oh, there is illicit sex. betrayal sex. illogical sex
but no meaningless sex
there is hopeless sex. boring sex. lifeless sex
but no meaningless sex

sex may mean wonderful things
it may mean painful things
but it always means something

there is no such thing as meaningless sex

ranking feminine expressions

if you like this feminine expressions site and would be willing to take a moment to give it a rating...

at the bottom of this page is RANKZ. WHOZ ON TOP and beneath it a green ranking bar (oops, now it is red) with my ranking number and my site's daily average number of visitors (i average about 35 to 40 visitors per day). Beneath that is my city directory (washington, dc) and beneath that my category (writers).

if you would like to place a vote of your ranking of this feminine expressions site, click on the green (or red) ranking bar and vote your number between one and ten, your honest opinion of the beauty and value of this site. one is the lowest opinion and ten is the highest ranking.

i love that you share my poetry with me, that you enjoy my presence, that you comment to me and share with me your own responses too. thank you for being part of my world...

i love the way you are
when you are the way you are
right now
i approach
taking off my shoes
for coming to you
in naked feet
is the only way
to come to you

i succumb
to your embrace
allow the beauty of who you are
to surround me
hold me
permeate my soul

mystical, magical
i swim in the depth
of your pure waters
i don’t want to leave
but linger
in your holiness
till time
bids me depart

and yet
i carry you with me
wear your fragrance
hold your touch
till my return

photography by marc goldring

undone

i am undone
he woos me with his words
lures me with his lexis
charms me with his carriage

he is a shooting star
i dare not touch
but take pleasure
in the thought